The Circles We Dance

We all do it in one form or another, and usually over the same thing.
We want love and companionship in our lives. Whatever form that might be to you. I've always pictured this as a grand waltz type dance. Everyone in the room spinning around the floor, wanting to dance with the same person. That persons name? Love.
There are a few of us blessed with the ability to find this person at just one dance. But, for the rest of us we find someone and, for fault of our own or theirs, what we convinced ourselves was love was nothing more than an illusion.
We go through the heart break, the confusion, and torment which follows. Then at some point we put ourselves back together enough to get back on that dance floor. We tell ourselves "i've learned my lesson this will be the one, i've learned my lesson." Suddenly, before you know it you're in the same situation as before.
But what did we do wrong? This person was nothing like the others at first. We keep asking and presuming that something is wrong with ourselves.
We play this game for years. Some of us give up all together, others accept that what we get is what we are stuck with, and others just keep fighting somehow. Then there are the few who eventually find "The One."
At this point in our lives how can we accept this is the truth? battered, bruised, betrayed our heart is just so unwilling to trust our intuition which has failed us in the past. So we turn our backs and keep playing in our little circle, the same type of person in our pasts continuing to infect us. Well as always it doesn't work out...
You're alone again.... but something is a little different. That person you walked away from "The One" well that person is still there. You start thinking what the hell is wrong with this person? But somehow you slowly become friends never making a commitment. You start opening up and find yourself happy, you have the ability to open up to someone without having this horrible sense of guilt placed upon you. But you just aren't there.
You continue to go in circles with your dead end relationships, thinking each time "THIS HAS GOT TO BE IT!!" Never is, but each time you finally walk away "The One" is still there. Somehow you haven't hurt this person yet. What's the deal? They must truly love you...
So how do you just take the leap? Can you walk away from the life of disappointment you're use to?

Well I'm going to try. I know who i love, who is always there, and treats me the way every girl dreams of. After over ten years we both deserve it. Yes I am terrified, but he knows that and i know he will hold me up no matter what.
I pray ALL of you are able to find your perfect one whether it be in your current relationship, or something to come in the future. Remember not to give up or give in we ALL deserve to be that crazy fairy tell happy, it does exist, it's just a little difficult to find lol



"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too" Rascal Flatts -My Wish

Fleeting Thoughts

Maybe I'm just crazy, well wait we know I'm crazy but have you ever noticed how many thoughts pass through your mind throughout the day that you would love to elaborate either in personal reflection or communication with others?
It's classic to say "if i can't remember its not important" or "if it matters it'll come back to me"
But honestly I've found that it's those fleeting thoughts, much like dreams, that really have the potential to open our minds and give us the ability to not only grasp but recognize new concepts.
Then the great part is when those ideas come back to us in "aha" moment as my teacher would say. There is a multitude of events that can jog that brain floating inside in our heads, like rambling on just now finally smacked the idea I've been playing with all day back into the forefront of my mind.
Being a person that has a brain moving at a thousand miles an hour i have to admit thoughts very rarely stay with me for more than a few seconds, if that at times. Like dreams in the time it takes to just roll over the most exciting, crazy, passionate, insightful dreams are gone. I've tried keeping dream journals, but lets face it i gotta pee when i first wake up and turn the light on let the pups out right away by the time i sit back in my bed to jot down that really cool dream i just had I'm lucky to remember even 2 that I've had in an entire month.
Now when I'm on my own studying, cleaning, reading, playing games, it's easier to grasp these thoughts. All i have to do is put one trigger word on a piece of paper toss it into my purse or pocket. Later it's great when i come across that paper i can give the topic the attention it deserves and then apply whatever it is in my life or share it with others.
But lets face it if you're having a conversation or out with a bunch of people it's not always going to be appropriate to write something down real quick. so what do you do? my teacher has taught our class a bunch of ways we could initiate triggers subtly. they don't work! well not for this scatter brain.
If anyone knows me you know that i just tend to ramble on at a quick pace jumping from subject to subject with very strong opinions, you'd swear i was Italian lol. I admit this is a major fault and yes it is worse in person than in writing. So the question remains, how do i cage those thoughts in order so that i may play with and free them later? it may be time to invest in a voice recorder and just accept that I'll have to be a little rude so i can keep my sanity. but really who knows...