The little things that make a moment possible

The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing else." Martina Navratilova

This really makes you think, and not in a very positive light at first. But now that i've had some time to let this soak in i think i get it. Victory is this moment, what's next? Now i've talked throughout the week about staying present of the current moment and enjoying it. I believe there is still room to look to the future however. I mean if i embraced this actual moment, i wouldn't even be sure what key to press next.
It's about moderation. In the negative thoughts that this makes me think it pushes me even more to enjoy my life for what it is, because then every moment is victory. But i agree victory is a short lived emotion, just like that high you get when you first fall for someone. As short lived as it may be it doesn't mean you shouldn't embrace it. Just remember that there are other things. My day wasn't just wonderful because i found out my boyfriend will be in town for christmas, but for all the little things as well, i got through class, i'm getting along with my family, i have a wonderful dog, and enjoy my schooling

Remember not to be so focused on the exact moment that you forget the entire picture of what made the moment so great, because most of those things can remain present as long as you choose to. No matter what i have Dash and everyday he makes me happy, he is my constant, everything else comes and go just enjoy the moment for what it is.

Blessed Be

Allow yourself to have it

No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it." Richard Bach

This is a wonderful follow up to yesterdays quote. Even though we want to live in the present we will always have goals. What better way to achieve those goals by just allowing ourselves to? I know that sounds nice and easy, lets face it that can be one of the hardest things in the world. But does it have to be?
If you take away all the material things that you see in your ideal world, what is the person that you want to be? We have been taught since we were children to practice practice, and that eventually we will get it. That's exactly what you have to do when you want to change something for the better. Put on that mask embrace the person you want to be. Eventually it won't be a mask and you'll have become that person you want to be. Soon after you'll look around and notice that those material things just happen to follow along.
Just like the lesson from the previous quote remember that you must embrace who you are in the moment, be who you want in THIS moment don't wait until tomorrow. Everything else will come. Love yourself and live for yourself in the moment.

Blessed Be

Who are we?

"To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are."
This anonymous quote was my inspirational quote for the day, and it really made me think.

In our world we are constantly working to improve ourselves and the things around us; but, what about what already is. I am trying to be a healthy beautiful individual, but if i let that desire consume me then i'm nothing more than a desire and i'll completely forget what i am. We love to live in the past or in the future. Well what about living in the now. So that's going to be my new personal goal, to live in the now.

Right now i am a paralegal student suffering from extreme pain with enough passion that i work through it. I am a beautiful woman with a loving family and set of friends. I am!

Sympathy

I lie in a house hold where everyone is considered obese. Along with the obesity comes pain. Personally i have tension headaches (i've had a headache for now 8 years), chronic migraines, tendonitis in major joints, torn rotator cuff, bursitis, costrochondritis, and severe lower back pain that the doctors can't figure out. not to mention the knee my dr doesn't wanna perform surgery on.
My father can be considered unsympathetic towards all of it, unless i'm to the point i'm going to urgent care or the er. He too suffers from pain and i truly feel bad. How can i show him sympathy though when he seems to not give a crap when his own family is sick or in pain? It's not just towards me but my mother and sister as well.
He plays the martyr game when he isn't well, and granted he does tough through a lot, but how is it he can't have a little compassion for his family when they are suffering? I'm usually a compassionate person when someone i care about isn't feeling well, but it's difficult to have that same compassion towards my father.
I guess some people are just that way. I pray that his eyes open and he can find it within himself to remember that we are in fact his family. That we would give him the care he wants and needs if only he would be able to show it to us as well.
I can take care of myself i just wish that the criticism would go away.

Back

Once again i'm back but the details aren't important. What's important is that i'm still breathing and that i'm decided to choose a life of happiness. I chose to be with the man that i've loved for 10 years now. As much as i care about him the point i've found is that i can be happy on my own. I realized i may never be alone but that's fine because i truly know that, if need be, i could stand all by myself.
I got on the site intending to cancel my account, and then i realized how healthy it is for me mentally. I may never hear from anyone but just to be able to put my thoughts out there is what a person needs at times.
Well it is 4 in the morning and lets face it i'm FINALLY starting to get sleepy. Til later

The Circles We Dance

We all do it in one form or another, and usually over the same thing.
We want love and companionship in our lives. Whatever form that might be to you. I've always pictured this as a grand waltz type dance. Everyone in the room spinning around the floor, wanting to dance with the same person. That persons name? Love.
There are a few of us blessed with the ability to find this person at just one dance. But, for the rest of us we find someone and, for fault of our own or theirs, what we convinced ourselves was love was nothing more than an illusion.
We go through the heart break, the confusion, and torment which follows. Then at some point we put ourselves back together enough to get back on that dance floor. We tell ourselves "i've learned my lesson this will be the one, i've learned my lesson." Suddenly, before you know it you're in the same situation as before.
But what did we do wrong? This person was nothing like the others at first. We keep asking and presuming that something is wrong with ourselves.
We play this game for years. Some of us give up all together, others accept that what we get is what we are stuck with, and others just keep fighting somehow. Then there are the few who eventually find "The One."
At this point in our lives how can we accept this is the truth? battered, bruised, betrayed our heart is just so unwilling to trust our intuition which has failed us in the past. So we turn our backs and keep playing in our little circle, the same type of person in our pasts continuing to infect us. Well as always it doesn't work out...
You're alone again.... but something is a little different. That person you walked away from "The One" well that person is still there. You start thinking what the hell is wrong with this person? But somehow you slowly become friends never making a commitment. You start opening up and find yourself happy, you have the ability to open up to someone without having this horrible sense of guilt placed upon you. But you just aren't there.
You continue to go in circles with your dead end relationships, thinking each time "THIS HAS GOT TO BE IT!!" Never is, but each time you finally walk away "The One" is still there. Somehow you haven't hurt this person yet. What's the deal? They must truly love you...
So how do you just take the leap? Can you walk away from the life of disappointment you're use to?

Well I'm going to try. I know who i love, who is always there, and treats me the way every girl dreams of. After over ten years we both deserve it. Yes I am terrified, but he knows that and i know he will hold me up no matter what.
I pray ALL of you are able to find your perfect one whether it be in your current relationship, or something to come in the future. Remember not to give up or give in we ALL deserve to be that crazy fairy tell happy, it does exist, it's just a little difficult to find lol



"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too" Rascal Flatts -My Wish

Fleeting Thoughts

Maybe I'm just crazy, well wait we know I'm crazy but have you ever noticed how many thoughts pass through your mind throughout the day that you would love to elaborate either in personal reflection or communication with others?
It's classic to say "if i can't remember its not important" or "if it matters it'll come back to me"
But honestly I've found that it's those fleeting thoughts, much like dreams, that really have the potential to open our minds and give us the ability to not only grasp but recognize new concepts.
Then the great part is when those ideas come back to us in "aha" moment as my teacher would say. There is a multitude of events that can jog that brain floating inside in our heads, like rambling on just now finally smacked the idea I've been playing with all day back into the forefront of my mind.
Being a person that has a brain moving at a thousand miles an hour i have to admit thoughts very rarely stay with me for more than a few seconds, if that at times. Like dreams in the time it takes to just roll over the most exciting, crazy, passionate, insightful dreams are gone. I've tried keeping dream journals, but lets face it i gotta pee when i first wake up and turn the light on let the pups out right away by the time i sit back in my bed to jot down that really cool dream i just had I'm lucky to remember even 2 that I've had in an entire month.
Now when I'm on my own studying, cleaning, reading, playing games, it's easier to grasp these thoughts. All i have to do is put one trigger word on a piece of paper toss it into my purse or pocket. Later it's great when i come across that paper i can give the topic the attention it deserves and then apply whatever it is in my life or share it with others.
But lets face it if you're having a conversation or out with a bunch of people it's not always going to be appropriate to write something down real quick. so what do you do? my teacher has taught our class a bunch of ways we could initiate triggers subtly. they don't work! well not for this scatter brain.
If anyone knows me you know that i just tend to ramble on at a quick pace jumping from subject to subject with very strong opinions, you'd swear i was Italian lol. I admit this is a major fault and yes it is worse in person than in writing. So the question remains, how do i cage those thoughts in order so that i may play with and free them later? it may be time to invest in a voice recorder and just accept that I'll have to be a little rude so i can keep my sanity. but really who knows...

The witching hour

Here it is just minutes before Samhain officially begins for the year. the power brooding inside ever cell of my body is almost overwhelming. Artemis (who shares my vessel) loves to take over around this time of year. The power, the magic that i am able to produce these next few days is stronger than i can imagine on a normal day.
The urge to dance to sing to praise cant be any stronger than the witching hour, and tonight of all nights while i still have control of my actions is indescribable. I suddenly know where all of Artemis's belongings are. The vale between the spirit world and the physical world is so thin and for those like me who carry such strong spirits this is the most wonderful of holidays.
Halloween can be a great celebration but rarely will you see those like me gallivanting around in costumes taking the night to party. We find ourselves busy performing the most powerful magic of the year. I've taken my day to prepare my meal my dances my spells, and everything else i need. i'm just glad i was able to get my homework done because i can't hold on any longer, i just wish i was able to take that beast out of my friend tomorrow night. everyone enjoy and those who truly celebrate Blessed Be!! Happy new year may you be guided on a path of light in times of such turmoil and aggression against one another. Most of all enjoy the next couple days and the celebrations we have prepared!!! It's time for Artemis to take over now, she loves you

Two Years

It's been almost two years and i'm finally getting back into my regular routine. I won't go on about all the crappy details of what has happened since then. But simply map out that i'm back in Colorado the only thing i have left is my baby Dash, i'm dating someone who is nothing of what i figured i'd be with, and i decided to go to school for paralegal with hopes of one day being a defense attorney.
The night before last i made an observation that the simple act of letting Dash out of my parents room to be with me was the highlight of my day. I am really starting to believe that as long as you can find one little joy everyday you can't be lost, your hope will never be gone.
I'm over half way through my first term in school and as exciting as that may be the stress of school, home, no job, and my boyfriend being 45 minutes away is starting to wear me down. Proof being that the doctor decided to up all of my medications. It seems to of helped i can think rationally and my emotions don't completely spin out of control. However, i just can't seem to find a way to fix the stress I'm experiencing. This whole weekend i've been trying to study for my math test on monday, well trying is giving me too much credit the most i've done is looked at my books.
I just can't seem to find a way to focus on something i don't even wanna do when i have many more things pulling my mind apart but i think i have some ideas. Let the listing begin!!!

• Two more weeks of this class!!!
• If i pass with an A i can help people next term who are in the same situation i find myself
  
• This class pretty much doesn't apply to my career
  
• If i can pick out the key notes then i can pass
• If i do a little at a time i can spend some time on myself!! or whatever else (there is a nice pile of sims 2 games siting to the right of me lol

Well lets see if i can do it, wish me luck.

Oh and my one moment today was my breakfast falling off my tortilla right into the middle of my plate lol such a me moment